I want to take a moment to say thank you to my followers! The messages, emails and posts over the last month or so have pulled on my heart strings more than you know. You all are the reasons I do this!!
So many of my followers (and your husbands) over the last few months have asked many questions surrounding how my marriage is as successful as it is with hopes that I may have the magic trick to make all marriages as successful. Sadly, that's not possible even though I'd love nothing more than to see everyone as happy as my husband and I are. But, I also don't want to give everyone the false impression that my relationship is perfect. I don't think anything in this world (with the exception of my two-year old) is remotely close to perfect or if perfect even exists. As with most everything in my life, I like to keep it real~especially when it comes to my relationships. Not only with my husband but my family and friends as well. It works for me but it's not for everyone.
This past month my husband traveled a great deal for work which is quite difficult on both of us. I feel like as soon as the busiest time of year starts to slow down, the conferences pick up where the busy season left off. This time of the year can put even more of a strain on marriages if your used to your hubby at least coming home by dark because now they are away overnight for a few days at a time. Not only is it extremely difficult for them to talk/catch up with their wives because they are in all day presentations but then there are the dinners that last until way after my bedtime! So, not much time but 5-10 minutes here and there to make an effort to catch up. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad for them at all. I'd love nothing more than to be taken out to be wined and dined and make fun of each other and have my husband home putting our daughter to bed in my place! It's actually the complete opposite. I feel bad for the person waiting patiently (or impatiently!) for a quick and unengaged phone call. Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of those calls more than I'd like to admit...
The thing is with these conferences, our men do need to attend them in order to stay abreast of trends in the industry as well as to stay connected to their community of turf professionals. I get it, but it's still another bittersweet requirement of the job. Since I have the opportunity to travel on occasion with my husband I have a great understanding of what exactly happens at these conferences. It's actually great for our husbands to reconnect with their friends, bosses, managers, sales reps, etc. There is something special about taking an individual outside of their day-to-day and placing them in a completely different environment that is amazing for me to see each and every time I travel to these conferences.
Enough of that, back to the bumps. So, someone recently asked me what type of wife am I? Especially when I'm upset with my husband. A few blogs back I touched on this and earlier I mentioned that I'm a keep it real, say what I need to say, and provide the facts wife. Men are visual beings - we all know this - so when I'm trying to prove a point to my husband and he wants to agree to disagree (I hate that!) I know it's time to get out my excel spreadsheet and get documenting. I'm not going to air all our dirty laundry (this time! HA!) but what got me on board the conferences train in the first place was that my husband wasn't home more than 15 days in the entire month. Yes, he also went to his hunting cabin one weekend and had golf tournaments almost every weekend and twice on one weekend. So, knowing that my husband (AND YOURS TOO) is a visual person I knew he needed facts to prove why I was incredibly annoyed and giving him the cold shoulder when I got a gilt trip for going shopping with a girlfriend over family time. And, there is no better time to bust out a pie chart of responsibilities than the present!! I spent not more than 10 minutes putting together how much time he was out of the home for business and pleasure vs. how much time I had been. I noted how many nights I put our daughter to bed and how many times I cooked dinners and gave baths for the month. I know, very extreme but seeing it in black and white sometimes is the card you need to pull when your not getting your point across. For me, it works. I'm certainly not telling everyone to start documenting every move your partner makes. This was just one small example of how I handle certain arguments I'm not getting my point out loud and clear enough for my husband to hear. I know your not surprised to read it worked like a charm. I wasn't over exaggerating, I was accurate with my perceptions of reality!
Anyway, things I also said to my husband this month that help with some of the bumps in our road: Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. I noticed your effort. Please hold my hand more. Wanna make out? Wanna take a shower? Yes, I 'll watch Sons with you. Dinner was delish! Yes please. Could you help me? I miss you. Can we have another date night soon? I'm sad you're leaving again. Can you leave the phone in the car this time? Do you want me to come to bed with you (at 7pm?!?!)? You look so great. I'm so happy! Thank you for today, it was great! You smell so good!
Chow,
Beth
