I want to take a moment to say thank you to my followers! The messages, emails and posts over the last month or so have pulled on my heart strings more than you know. You all are the reasons I do this!!
So many of my followers (and your husbands) over the last few months have asked many questions surrounding how my marriage is as successful as it is with hopes that I may have the magic trick to make all marriages as successful. Sadly, that's not possible even though I'd love nothing more than to see everyone as happy as my husband and I are. But, I also don't want to give everyone the false impression that my relationship is perfect. I don't think anything in this world (with the exception of my two-year old) is remotely close to perfect or if perfect even exists. As with most everything in my life, I like to keep it real~especially when it comes to my relationships. Not only with my husband but my family and friends as well. It works for me but it's not for everyone.
This past month my husband traveled a great deal for work which is quite difficult on both of us. I feel like as soon as the busiest time of year starts to slow down, the conferences pick up where the busy season left off. This time of the year can put even more of a strain on marriages if your used to your hubby at least coming home by dark because now they are away overnight for a few days at a time. Not only is it extremely difficult for them to talk/catch up with their wives because they are in all day presentations but then there are the dinners that last until way after my bedtime! So, not much time but 5-10 minutes here and there to make an effort to catch up. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad for them at all. I'd love nothing more than to be taken out to be wined and dined and make fun of each other and have my husband home putting our daughter to bed in my place! It's actually the complete opposite. I feel bad for the person waiting patiently (or impatiently!) for a quick and unengaged phone call. Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of those calls more than I'd like to admit...
The thing is with these conferences, our men do need to attend them in order to stay abreast of trends in the industry as well as to stay connected to their community of turf professionals. I get it, but it's still another bittersweet requirement of the job. Since I have the opportunity to travel on occasion with my husband I have a great understanding of what exactly happens at these conferences. It's actually great for our husbands to reconnect with their friends, bosses, managers, sales reps, etc. There is something special about taking an individual outside of their day-to-day and placing them in a completely different environment that is amazing for me to see each and every time I travel to these conferences.
Enough of that, back to the bumps. So, someone recently asked me what type of wife am I? Especially when I'm upset with my husband. A few blogs back I touched on this and earlier I mentioned that I'm a keep it real, say what I need to say, and provide the facts wife. Men are visual beings - we all know this - so when I'm trying to prove a point to my husband and he wants to agree to disagree (I hate that!) I know it's time to get out my excel spreadsheet and get documenting. I'm not going to air all our dirty laundry (this time! HA!) but what got me on board the conferences train in the first place was that my husband wasn't home more than 15 days in the entire month. Yes, he also went to his hunting cabin one weekend and had golf tournaments almost every weekend and twice on one weekend. So, knowing that my husband (AND YOURS TOO) is a visual person I knew he needed facts to prove why I was incredibly annoyed and giving him the cold shoulder when I got a gilt trip for going shopping with a girlfriend over family time. And, there is no better time to bust out a pie chart of responsibilities than the present!! I spent not more than 10 minutes putting together how much time he was out of the home for business and pleasure vs. how much time I had been. I noted how many nights I put our daughter to bed and how many times I cooked dinners and gave baths for the month. I know, very extreme but seeing it in black and white sometimes is the card you need to pull when your not getting your point across. For me, it works. I'm certainly not telling everyone to start documenting every move your partner makes. This was just one small example of how I handle certain arguments I'm not getting my point out loud and clear enough for my husband to hear. I know your not surprised to read it worked like a charm. I wasn't over exaggerating, I was accurate with my perceptions of reality!
Anyway, things I also said to my husband this month that help with some of the bumps in our road: Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. I noticed your effort. Please hold my hand more. Wanna make out? Wanna take a shower? Yes, I 'll watch Sons with you. Dinner was delish! Yes please. Could you help me? I miss you. Can we have another date night soon? I'm sad you're leaving again. Can you leave the phone in the car this time? Do you want me to come to bed with you (at 7pm?!?!)? You look so great. I'm so happy! Thank you for today, it was great! You smell so good!
Chow,
Beth
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Taboo Talk
It's been a while, my apologies!! Here's the longest run-on sentence for ya. The thing is, throughout the days and nights I think of all the discussions I'd like to have with my Turf Wives because I have so much to talk about but at this point I share the house computer with my husband who works until it's midnight most nights on this very computer and the laptop and mini suck. So, it takes days of golfing (in yet another tourney) to get me here with just one more of my hopefully endless blogs. :)
There has been a topic I've wanted to discuss since I stated Turf Wives but to be quite honest I've been a little scared to. In the many years I've been a significant other to a husband in the turf industry, I've never encountered so many individuals with the same vices as my husband. By no means am I outing my husband publicly because not only can many of you relate, your husbands are right there with mine. And, to be perfectly honest, it's no secret.
Lets start with the morning, late morning, early afternoon and evening coffee. I mean honestly, we should all buy stock in that shit right? I'm sure it's not healthy to drink that many cups of coffee in one day but that's probably the healthiest of all the beverages of choice. Since we're on the beverage topic, have you heard the slogan "It's Miller Time!" yeah, well, it's Miller Time here on a regular basis. Hey, I get it, after busting your tail from sunrise to sunset and then some practically 7 days a week and I can support some R&R but from what I see out there in our small little industry, it's the norm to overindulge in this socially acceptable addition. Another shared vice I see often, cancer sticks. I was once a full time smoker myself so I'm not going to sit here and call the kettle black. I'll leave it at that. Cell phone and internet are on the list as well but since I'm currently addicted to both I'll keep my mouth shut. I'm sure many of you one, can relate and two, you have many more to add to my overfilling pile.
In a recent (and I mean two years ago) conversation I had with one of my best friends who's husband is in the industry (we'll call him "Bob") we both were astonished at how many vices, how much drinking and how amazingly functional these men are. If you or I had 8 beers well before 8pm, you'd find us passed out and regretful in the morning. So how is it possible that these men can have 8-12 beers in one night, get up at sunrise, be functional (more than I am without booze) and omg be PRODUCTIVE AS HELL?!?!? Sadly, yesterday I heard that another one of the Turf Wives was divorcing her husband. Obviously, something we all hear all too regularly. Details are, she's sick of the long hours, countless weekends without the children's father, lack of income for someone who puts in well more than 60+ hours but is only salaried for 40 of them and lastly, all the vices above and then some. It's sad, very. I can honestly relate to the frustration which I'm sure you can as well and I'm not here to judge but divorce should remain a last resort. In my household, it's not an option. Hopefully, it will never end up on the table for discussion. But I'm not naive and you shouldn't be either. So, if these situations are effecting you and your family negatively, you need to have conversations (not arguments) about them. You need to pick your battles but you need to confront these issues before they become piles of divorce papers drawn up my your attorney.
Each and every time I've constructively confronted a concern or annoyance with my husband, he's greeted me with an open mind and open arms. Yes, we've had arguments like all spouses have but I can honestly tell you they are few and far apart. Probably because I have no filter and I speak my mind as soon as I need to instead of letting it build up inside of me until I burst like so many people I know do. So, my husband is used to getting his ass handed to him when he walks in the door after a long day all because he didn't answer my last text message.
Let me reiterate my suggestion again. Talk. For god sake talk! If I hear one more man in this industry tell us he's getting a divorce and he is shocked I'm going to scream! (not really but you know what I mean) No one should be shocked. It should be a last resort and he should have been involved in the entire "let's not get divorced project" that is meant to save marriages with fixable flaws in the first place.
For today,
Beth
There has been a topic I've wanted to discuss since I stated Turf Wives but to be quite honest I've been a little scared to. In the many years I've been a significant other to a husband in the turf industry, I've never encountered so many individuals with the same vices as my husband. By no means am I outing my husband publicly because not only can many of you relate, your husbands are right there with mine. And, to be perfectly honest, it's no secret.
Lets start with the morning, late morning, early afternoon and evening coffee. I mean honestly, we should all buy stock in that shit right? I'm sure it's not healthy to drink that many cups of coffee in one day but that's probably the healthiest of all the beverages of choice. Since we're on the beverage topic, have you heard the slogan "It's Miller Time!" yeah, well, it's Miller Time here on a regular basis. Hey, I get it, after busting your tail from sunrise to sunset and then some practically 7 days a week and I can support some R&R but from what I see out there in our small little industry, it's the norm to overindulge in this socially acceptable addition. Another shared vice I see often, cancer sticks. I was once a full time smoker myself so I'm not going to sit here and call the kettle black. I'll leave it at that. Cell phone and internet are on the list as well but since I'm currently addicted to both I'll keep my mouth shut. I'm sure many of you one, can relate and two, you have many more to add to my overfilling pile.
In a recent (and I mean two years ago) conversation I had with one of my best friends who's husband is in the industry (we'll call him "Bob") we both were astonished at how many vices, how much drinking and how amazingly functional these men are. If you or I had 8 beers well before 8pm, you'd find us passed out and regretful in the morning. So how is it possible that these men can have 8-12 beers in one night, get up at sunrise, be functional (more than I am without booze) and omg be PRODUCTIVE AS HELL?!?!? Sadly, yesterday I heard that another one of the Turf Wives was divorcing her husband. Obviously, something we all hear all too regularly. Details are, she's sick of the long hours, countless weekends without the children's father, lack of income for someone who puts in well more than 60+ hours but is only salaried for 40 of them and lastly, all the vices above and then some. It's sad, very. I can honestly relate to the frustration which I'm sure you can as well and I'm not here to judge but divorce should remain a last resort. In my household, it's not an option. Hopefully, it will never end up on the table for discussion. But I'm not naive and you shouldn't be either. So, if these situations are effecting you and your family negatively, you need to have conversations (not arguments) about them. You need to pick your battles but you need to confront these issues before they become piles of divorce papers drawn up my your attorney.
Each and every time I've constructively confronted a concern or annoyance with my husband, he's greeted me with an open mind and open arms. Yes, we've had arguments like all spouses have but I can honestly tell you they are few and far apart. Probably because I have no filter and I speak my mind as soon as I need to instead of letting it build up inside of me until I burst like so many people I know do. So, my husband is used to getting his ass handed to him when he walks in the door after a long day all because he didn't answer my last text message.
Let me reiterate my suggestion again. Talk. For god sake talk! If I hear one more man in this industry tell us he's getting a divorce and he is shocked I'm going to scream! (not really but you know what I mean) No one should be shocked. It should be a last resort and he should have been involved in the entire "let's not get divorced project" that is meant to save marriages with fixable flaws in the first place.
For today,
Beth
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Girls Nights
Clearly when I decided to write a blog I had more time on my hands!! That's good ol' corporate america for ya! haha! Things are quite different now and my days have turned into weeks and my weeks into months.
The last month of being a turf wife has actually been quite fun. My hubby owns a turf farm (on top of his ever-expanding business) and has been working diligently to get grass established before it's too late and snow is falling. There is 18+/- acres at the farm and ALL OF IT NEEDS TO BE SEEDED! It used to be corn fields so there has been a ton of work to be done as well as new irrigation and such. Really cool project to see from the ground up. I'm sure many turf wives have experienced something similar on the course. So, when Nola is at daycare on Monday's and Wednesday's, I've been helping with some serious labor at the farm. More time with my main man and some pretty serious calorie burning. If you know me, you know I'm all about calorie burning!
I've been filing up my schedule on days that I'm not helping the hubby. Going to parks and museums, toddler classes, gymnastics and of course the shore. As always though, it's bitter sweet to have so many amazing experiences without daddy or "datty" as Nola calls him. I'm sure, if you have a child(ren), you've felt that same feeling.
I often think about other SAHM's (stay at home moms for the newbies) and how they balance their schedules, time with dad and time away for themselves. I have an amaaaaazing group of close girlfriends and we often try to meet for girls nights = dinner and drinks. Since I've decided to be a SAHM, I've begun to feel guilty and honestly I think my husband would rather spend that time together as a family. BUT I need those outings, my friends and time away for sanity. So, how much is too much? What do you do to keep yourselves from feeling quitly about doing things for yourself?
For my turfwives without lil' ones, I remember spending what seemed to be an absorbent amount of time alone when I didn't have Nola to chase after. I remember how lonely days felt and how I anxiously anticipated romantic dinners when my husband returned after a long days - especially weekends - at work just to be disappointed by an exhausted husband who wanted to relax and settle in early. When we moved from MD back to PA for my husband to start his own business, I also had to start over. When my husband heard me complaining about all my time alone and how bored and lonely it was he didn't feel sorry for me. He told me to make friends and get some hobbies. Although seriously harsh over another not romantic dinner - which I immediately left the table in tears and sat in the ladies room questioning if this is what I really wanted - it was the truth. I needed to be me. I needed not to rely on him and his unpredictable schedule for happiness and fun. So what did I do? I went and made me some great friends and started to do things like gardening, painting and decorating, shopping (that's a given), working out and took on a serious addiction for reality television.
Well, today's blog is very me. Scatterbrained and trying to press that publish post button as quickly as possible so I can add another load into the washer before Nola wakes up!!!
Bye for now,
Beth
The last month of being a turf wife has actually been quite fun. My hubby owns a turf farm (on top of his ever-expanding business) and has been working diligently to get grass established before it's too late and snow is falling. There is 18+/- acres at the farm and ALL OF IT NEEDS TO BE SEEDED! It used to be corn fields so there has been a ton of work to be done as well as new irrigation and such. Really cool project to see from the ground up. I'm sure many turf wives have experienced something similar on the course. So, when Nola is at daycare on Monday's and Wednesday's, I've been helping with some serious labor at the farm. More time with my main man and some pretty serious calorie burning. If you know me, you know I'm all about calorie burning!
I've been filing up my schedule on days that I'm not helping the hubby. Going to parks and museums, toddler classes, gymnastics and of course the shore. As always though, it's bitter sweet to have so many amazing experiences without daddy or "datty" as Nola calls him. I'm sure, if you have a child(ren), you've felt that same feeling.
I often think about other SAHM's (stay at home moms for the newbies) and how they balance their schedules, time with dad and time away for themselves. I have an amaaaaazing group of close girlfriends and we often try to meet for girls nights = dinner and drinks. Since I've decided to be a SAHM, I've begun to feel guilty and honestly I think my husband would rather spend that time together as a family. BUT I need those outings, my friends and time away for sanity. So, how much is too much? What do you do to keep yourselves from feeling quitly about doing things for yourself?
For my turfwives without lil' ones, I remember spending what seemed to be an absorbent amount of time alone when I didn't have Nola to chase after. I remember how lonely days felt and how I anxiously anticipated romantic dinners when my husband returned after a long days - especially weekends - at work just to be disappointed by an exhausted husband who wanted to relax and settle in early. When we moved from MD back to PA for my husband to start his own business, I also had to start over. When my husband heard me complaining about all my time alone and how bored and lonely it was he didn't feel sorry for me. He told me to make friends and get some hobbies. Although seriously harsh over another not romantic dinner - which I immediately left the table in tears and sat in the ladies room questioning if this is what I really wanted - it was the truth. I needed to be me. I needed not to rely on him and his unpredictable schedule for happiness and fun. So what did I do? I went and made me some great friends and started to do things like gardening, painting and decorating, shopping (that's a given), working out and took on a serious addiction for reality television.
Well, today's blog is very me. Scatterbrained and trying to press that publish post button as quickly as possible so I can add another load into the washer before Nola wakes up!!!
Bye for now,
Beth
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A New Paradise - Or Is It?
It's been a few weeks since my last update and wow things have certainly changed...
For those of you who regularly follow my life in general, you know it's been a rough month of coping with the pitfalls of Corporate America. Many of you go through the same struggle every day - going into another man's world and giving 110% to get ZILCH in return. Even worse, being treated like dirt and when you finally stick up for yourself, matters get worse.
For my new followers who don't know me on a more intimate level, my family and I decided it was in my best interest to take a step back - actually a few thousand steps back and potentially start fresh. Some think I'm crazy, some think I jumped the gun, some are even jealous but most think it was time - I'm thinking of it as a new chapter of my life.
If you don't like something that's in your life, only you have the power to change it.
So, now that I'll have more time (here's hoping) to blog and share stories, I hope we can connect more with each new day.
As for me as a "Turf Wife", Steven and I have date night tonight. YAY! Something we do regularly and make very special. We splurge on our date nights to make them extra special.
Tonight's agenda: Drinks and dinner at Bichrunville Store Cafe. Very upscale, very romantic and very much the plan each of you should have at least once-or twice (if you can swing it!) a month.
We have our standard sitter and we make plans for these nights almost one month ahead. For those of you who aren't with child, you probably have more flexibility in your date nights but you probably don't take them as seriously as you should.
So many of my friends with loved ones in the Turf Industry feel like dinner during the summer is practically impossible. I agree, it's a major challenge. Most of our spouses are up before we wake and home when the sun goes down. It's a hard life and it's hard for a wife not to become bitter. So, even though it may not be practical to go out for dinner often, a pre-scheduled MANDATORY ATTENDANCE is the key to making sure unpractical becomes reality. Oh, and don't forget to splurge - even just a little. I promise you if you make these small steps to improve your quality of time together (notice how I didn't say quantity) your marriage will not only become stronger, you may even talk about something other than the lack of rain, the dead greens, who called out, unhappy members and...well...you get the picture.
Please post your next date night plans! I have plenty more suggestions up my sleeve for future blogs but if you feel you have a special one that works well for you and yours, please share!!
For those of you who regularly follow my life in general, you know it's been a rough month of coping with the pitfalls of Corporate America. Many of you go through the same struggle every day - going into another man's world and giving 110% to get ZILCH in return. Even worse, being treated like dirt and when you finally stick up for yourself, matters get worse.
For my new followers who don't know me on a more intimate level, my family and I decided it was in my best interest to take a step back - actually a few thousand steps back and potentially start fresh. Some think I'm crazy, some think I jumped the gun, some are even jealous but most think it was time - I'm thinking of it as a new chapter of my life.
If you don't like something that's in your life, only you have the power to change it.
So, now that I'll have more time (here's hoping) to blog and share stories, I hope we can connect more with each new day.
As for me as a "Turf Wife", Steven and I have date night tonight. YAY! Something we do regularly and make very special. We splurge on our date nights to make them extra special.
Tonight's agenda: Drinks and dinner at Bichrunville Store Cafe. Very upscale, very romantic and very much the plan each of you should have at least once-or twice (if you can swing it!) a month.
We have our standard sitter and we make plans for these nights almost one month ahead. For those of you who aren't with child, you probably have more flexibility in your date nights but you probably don't take them as seriously as you should.
So many of my friends with loved ones in the Turf Industry feel like dinner during the summer is practically impossible. I agree, it's a major challenge. Most of our spouses are up before we wake and home when the sun goes down. It's a hard life and it's hard for a wife not to become bitter. So, even though it may not be practical to go out for dinner often, a pre-scheduled MANDATORY ATTENDANCE is the key to making sure unpractical becomes reality. Oh, and don't forget to splurge - even just a little. I promise you if you make these small steps to improve your quality of time together (notice how I didn't say quantity) your marriage will not only become stronger, you may even talk about something other than the lack of rain, the dead greens, who called out, unhappy members and...well...you get the picture.
Please post your next date night plans! I have plenty more suggestions up my sleeve for future blogs but if you feel you have a special one that works well for you and yours, please share!!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Weekend Away
Just a few days have passed and I’ve been dying to get back on here! In April, while visiting family in NC, I decided I would go back down with Nola (alone!) over the July 4th holiday weekend. It was a feat but very memorable and worth the blood, sweat and Nola’s tears to spend the time with our family and their friends! Although I knew all along what I had signed up for and the amount of work it would take to do it alone, I couldn’t help but feel a small degree of sadness that daddy was at home, working hard, missing out on these moments he didn’t get the opportunity to see for himself. I sent him pictures via text throughout the trip but…it’s never the same. Sometimes I wonder if we could OR SHOULD give it all up and live a more simple life….
and just like that, we're back to our normal routine and living the dream...right?
Nola @ Wrightsville Beach NC
Nola and her cousin Davis sharing the cake mix
Nola with her cousin Makayla maxing and relaxing
Face painting at the 4th festivities
Brum brum
sleepy at the fireworks...and probably a little scared
BEAT!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Late Night Ideas
As crazy of an idea as Steven thought I had last night at 11:02pm, here I am today. Crazy to him maybe, but to me, it was BRILLIANT! Actually, what happened was after exchange of stories between Steve's client and myself over a glass of wine (of course!), I realized that all of us are or have at one (or several) times been in a very similar place but feeling very alone.
What the heck am I talking about you ask? Well, how many of you (my lovely turf wives) spend many evenings - and weekends - at home, with or without children feeling lonely, annoyed, bored, irritated and even sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in love with my husband and we have a wonderful relationship because we constantly work on it. But, even the strongest relationships are forced to take a back seat to nothing more than this tiny little plant called GRASS!
So back to the drinks and the exchange of stories. I couldn't help but ask this tall glass of water treating Steven and I to a drink about his family. Anyone with children knows, you can find just over 1,000 things in common with someone who has children - even better, you can find more than that with wives of husbands in the turf industry. Turns out this wonderful wife, stay at home mom (hardest job in the world) with two children is experiencing the same strains on her family and her relationship with her spouse. Why? All due to the endless hours in the summer months, the constant travel, the dinners alone, the weekends without daddy and the unpredictable schedules, the lengthy phone conversations with clients and running the entire dog and pony show all by yourself.
So, today I have a purpose. I'm going to share and request you do the same: stories, support, advice and love to all the fellow turf wives (and girlfriends and fiance's of course) in my small effort to bring us all together.
Wow, I did it! Is this crazy?
What the heck am I talking about you ask? Well, how many of you (my lovely turf wives) spend many evenings - and weekends - at home, with or without children feeling lonely, annoyed, bored, irritated and even sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in love with my husband and we have a wonderful relationship because we constantly work on it. But, even the strongest relationships are forced to take a back seat to nothing more than this tiny little plant called GRASS!
So back to the drinks and the exchange of stories. I couldn't help but ask this tall glass of water treating Steven and I to a drink about his family. Anyone with children knows, you can find just over 1,000 things in common with someone who has children - even better, you can find more than that with wives of husbands in the turf industry. Turns out this wonderful wife, stay at home mom (hardest job in the world) with two children is experiencing the same strains on her family and her relationship with her spouse. Why? All due to the endless hours in the summer months, the constant travel, the dinners alone, the weekends without daddy and the unpredictable schedules, the lengthy phone conversations with clients and running the entire dog and pony show all by yourself.
So, today I have a purpose. I'm going to share and request you do the same: stories, support, advice and love to all the fellow turf wives (and girlfriends and fiance's of course) in my small effort to bring us all together.
Wow, I did it! Is this crazy?
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