Beauty Is In the Eye Of The Beholder

Just briefly, I want to thank everyone for all the great feedback regarding the Turf Wives Experiment aka the daily TWX from my last blog, Turf Wives Experiment. I'm very happy and proud of all the positive feedback I've received so far. I'm having a lot of fun with it so I very much appreciate your support!!

See, I can be brief... [[insert just kidding face here]]

I want you to take a few moments to think about grass. Simple right? Yes, to much of the world, it's just grass. But to most of our spouses, it's way more than that AND turns out, it's not simple in the slightest. Maybe the person who came up with the very old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" worked in the turf industry!

I remember when my husband and I were going on a whitewater rafting trip. I told him our group was meeting in Virginia at 9am which was several hours away so we left very very VERY early and arrived at our location with plenty of time to spare. No one had arrived as early as we had so, we headed down to the local diner to have breakfast. We took our time and headed back to the rafting sight about an hour later but no one was to be found. I instantly phoned our trip organizer who immediately told me we needed to be in another state and the group was leaving in 45 minutes. So I did what normal women do under these circumstances....I broke into a full blown self-destruction mode, all tears and questions about how could I have screwed up something we spent months anticipating. Why did we take our time at breakfast? Why I didn't call anyone when we arrived? I pictured us arriving to our final destination with enough time to wave goodbye to our group. Ps, the group was most of the management I worked with AND several of my employees. Could I have looked more dense?!?!? I'm pretty certain they all questioned my ability to be qualified for my management position.

As I quickly regressed, my husband took control and speedily drove us to our second destination trying to reassure me that we would make it there in time. Do you know how my husband tried to distract me during our hurried drive while I was still crying and quickly falling into a silent stare out the window in tears mode (come on, you know the one)? Verbatim, "hunny, do you know what kind of grass that is?" pointing his finger out towards my window.

Still to this day I distinctly remember my choice words to him, in an unnecessarily high volume level.

At that time in my life, I actually couldn't have given two you know whats about what types of grass there was out there or about the industry in general. It didn't effect me one way or another since my career was skyrocketing and from what I heard about the industry, my job needed to. Well, it didn't affect me until the multiple times we jumped up in the middle of the night when it was raining (although the forecast didn't call for rain!) to drive, in a panic 5 minutes away, to pull tarps over trials, in the pitch black with only the truck lights to lead us. IN THE RAIN! And, those weren't the lasting impressions one would want write home to mama about. But I didn't the heart to let my then boyfriend suffer through this chapter in his life alone so I accompanied him practically every evening and weekend like it was my part-time job. I learned how to rate plots, I learned most of the types of grass grown in the East, I learned most of the common diseases, I knew all of his colleagues on a personal level etc. etc. etc... BUT most importantly, I learned that it's not "just grass"...

Why am I dragging you through some drawn out history story in my life? First, I love a cliff hanger but only in movies so yes we did make it just in time to leave with our group for the trip and since we were in such a rush to the rafts, no one questioned my complete inability to manage my team when we return. Phew. Well, like I posted on my facebook fun page last week, I've been taken aback at some of the negative comments wives in this industry are making about their husbands and this industry. These are just some of the gamut of questions that I asked myself for those individuals, who shall remain nameless, who are discrediting this industry:  

How many people do you know who can actually say they LOVE their jobs?

Do you ever ask yourself WHY your husband intimately knows every square foot of his course and/or his clients courses better than he knows you?  

When was the last time you went and walked the ENTIRE course by foot with your husband?

When was the last time you knew why your husband DROVE to 20 clients in one day?

What were his clients experiencing? What were his clients like?

When was the last time YOU closed up the shop with your husband? Could you take over if necessary?

Have you actually taken the time to look at life through your husbands eyes or walked a mile in his shoes?

Many of you have and I applaud you. Many of you should. Not only will you get a greater understanding of what your husband does, you'll get a better understanding on WHY he does what he does. Sadly, some spouses know their course or their clients courses better than they may ever know their wives. That's a problem. But this is what they love, this is their passion and you actually need to include yourself in it (without complaining!) in order to appreciate it. I guarantee, if you engross yourself into what your husbands loves and spends an immense amount of time doing and creating, your relationship with him AND this industry will improve considerably. Until I myself, walked in my then boyfriend, now husbands shoes (which I still do very often) I could never have gained the level or the amount of appreciation I have for him and this wonderful industry.

It's not a coincidence that my blog, the daily TWX and the Picture Pop Quiz all relate back to similar subjects...spending time with your spouse (and enjoying it).

For now,
Beth

Turf Wives Experiment ("TWXperiment")

Hey everyone! Last months blog Now Hiring!! was viewed 1,094 times and counting. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who emailed and communicated feedback and support!

Feedback and participation in my offering of Human Resources Services has been huge and started immediately after my blog published!!! I am still in a little back-log since weather here in PA has proven to challenge our typical winter/spring work schedule but I will continue to press forward in order to assist as many people as quickly as possible. Additionally, this service is 100% confidential - this question was asked on numerous occasions for obvious reasons which I neglected to confirm in my previous post.

During busy season for us (now through October) I will do my best to post updated blogs as often as possible. I will also continue to provide HR services for free on a first come first serve basis. I ask for everyone's continued support and feedback, especially during the busiest time of year, if I don't engage as often as I would wish to.

One of the reasons I started this blog and facebook fan page was to offer a place share, help and exchange stories for wives with husbands in the turf industry. I'd like everyone who follows this page to encourage other women so close to this industry to also get involved. Start sharing and engaging with other women on the page to share your own trials and tribulations and well as your triumphs!

Another reason I started this blog and FB fan page, aka fun page, brings me back to my first blog post Late Night Ideas of wanting to offer feedback and advice to my fellow Turf Wives. As usual, over a few glass of wine recently, I started to brainstorm ideas that would continue to add value to my blog and FB fun page. As difficult as it is sometimes to stay positive when we're all dealing with similar frustrations, my goal from day 1 was to maintain positivity. We all know, for the most part the negative circumstances that we face being married or in a relationship with someone in this field. My goal, even with my blog where at times I air my marriages own dirty laundry has always been to offer tips, strategies and advice to help get through some of those tough times.

I'm not trying to pretend my marriage is perfect - I never conveyed in any of my communications anything of that nature. Nothing in life is perfect. But, I actively participate in my marriage. I engage in my marriage as I think is best for its continued success. So blah blah blah, where am I going with this?!?!?

Introducing Turf Wives Experiment "TWX" as my husband likes to refer to it. Actually, he picked the name!! Starting tomorrow, I will begin to post daily suggestions (take em' or leave em') that may or may not already exist in your relationship strategies for success. Please take these ideas, tips and/ in some cases proposals to assist with overcoming those before mentioned difficult times. OR, they may in fact add to your already successful strategies. Many of you may already be engaging in activities, tips or suggestions that I may post - GREAT!! Please feel free to post your own at anytime to add to our success by paying it forward (thanks Oprah)!! As always, I look forward to your engagement and feedback! It's my hope that everyone will enjoy this little experiment...

I promise to keep it clean,
Beth

Now Hiring!!

In the recent years I've noticed an unfortunate decline in jobs within the turf industry but honestly, who hasn't? I've personally experienced conversations that many individuals in the industry are struggling to either move into another role or are out of work completely. Many individuals are attempting to use social media and other resources to network which is wonderful but in more cases than not, doesn't do the trick. Obviously, this is taking place all over the country in almost every industry.
I truly believe fulfilling employment and being able to adequately provide for yourself/your family is one of the largest stresses individuals face. And unfortunately, with the way our world is today faced with desires of immediate gratification and a materialistic philosophy - this puts even larger strains and stresses on individuals struggling to move onward and upward. Through this epidemic, I've seen families fall apart, fun friends become drunks, marriages fail and worse, suicide.

It continues to be my goal to add value for my Turf Wives family. Last blog I touched on being a human resource professional. I currently hold and maintain a Professional Human Resources (PHR) degree and certificate, which although I now work in the turf industry, I would like to continue to put towards good use. In my career I have hired thousands of employees. I have also spent countless hours volunteering and offering services to assist friends, family, strangers, colleagues etc. obtain new employment. As part of my goal, I would like to take this opportunity to offer these same services to my Turf Wives family.

I will be volunteering my professional services on a first come, first serve basis for: customized resume'/CV assistance, interview assistance, employment negotiations, employment law etc. for any wife or husband in the industry following my National Association of Turf Wives facebook page. I will also attempt to stay abreast new career openings within the industry as time allows. All assistance request and inquiries should be sent to Turfwives@yahoo.com.

You are welcome to find my public professional profile by clicking the following link: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/beth-mcdonald-phr/6/825/836

I look forward to adding value to you and yours,
Beth

Who is this Turf Wife?

Just another wife who has nothing better to do than poke at the turf industry? Barely. Actually, finding time to constantly add value and engage with my Turf Wives has proven to be quite difficult.
Like so many of you, I'm a full time mother and up until this past August, I was a full time employee. I have an advanced degree in Human Resources Management - I was the person most of your husbands (and maybe even yourself) love to hate. The person responsible for hiring and unfortunately, firing.

This past summer I took a leap of faith and began to work with (notice I didn't say "for") my husband. It was an extremely difficult decision to go from Fortune 500 companies to a small business in which my husband is the President and Lead Scientist for. My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years and I know we work extremely well together so I dove in head first. There's no other option in the middle of the summer is there? So, what was it like going from suits, meetings and employee counseling to hands on field work? I have many adjectives for my experiences: astonishing, awe-inspiring, awful, beautiful, breathtaking, daunting, frantic, overwhelming, stunning and many many more but really, seriously wonderful and rewarding.Seeing your own hard working hands-on (sometimes back breaking) work actually working, growing and changing from one day to the next gave me a crystal clear vision of why so many men (and some women) absolutely love their jobs in the turf industry. It's not easy work - it's extremely stressful and exhausting - much different then my experience in corporate america. I found myself working harder than I ever had in my professional life. But there is nothing more rewarding than working side by side with your life partner and seeing the fruits of your very own labor paying off.

Of course, I have my very own dreams and aspirations that don't consist of me returning to the 50X50 florescent lighted offices I've grown so used to. When I'm not directly working for our business, being the best wife and mother I can, working out and trying to add value to Turf Wives amongst the thousands of other activities I engage in on a daily basis...I find myself drawling up my very own business plans for owning my very own winery - right in our backyard! Stay tuned...

There are so many other aspects of my life that I'd love nothing more than to share with my Turf Wives. My most proud accomplishment within the past 1.5 years actually has nothing to do with turf at all. For those of you know actually know me personally (a seriously small percentage) they've seen the personal transition and growth that lead me to lose 70+ pounds in the short 1.5 years. That's the entire weight of my 11 year old niece! It was with a lot of hard work, dedication and true commitment to making this the best life for me and my family. Oh p.s., I also quit smoking cigarettes in that period of time as well!!

Well, life is calling (actually she's yelling) so that's a wrap for today. Stay tuned...more about this Turf Wife in due time...
xoxo

Conferences!!! Oh, and Bumps in the Road.

I want to take a moment to say thank you to my followers! The messages, emails and posts over the last month or so have pulled on my heart strings more than you know. You all are the reasons I do this!!

So many of my followers (and your husbands) over the last few months have asked many questions surrounding how my marriage is as successful as it is with hopes that I may have the magic trick to make all marriages as successful. Sadly, that's not possible even though I'd love nothing more than to see everyone as happy as my husband and I are. But, I also don't want to give everyone the false impression that my relationship is perfect. I don't think anything in this world (with the exception of my two-year old) is remotely close to perfect or if perfect even exists. As with most everything in my life, I like to keep it real~especially when it comes to my relationships. Not only with my husband but my family and friends as well. It works for me but it's not for everyone.

This past month my husband traveled a great deal for work which is quite difficult on both of us. I feel like as soon as the busiest time of year starts to slow down, the conferences pick up where the busy season left off. This time of the year can put even more of a strain on marriages if your used to your hubby at least coming home by dark because now they are away overnight for a few days at a time. Not only is it extremely difficult for them to talk/catch up with their wives because they are in all day presentations but then there are the dinners that last until way after my bedtime! So, not much time but 5-10 minutes here and there to make an effort to catch up. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad for them at all. I'd love nothing more than to be taken out to be wined and dined and make fun of each other and have my husband home putting our daughter to bed in my place! It's actually the complete opposite. I feel bad for the person waiting patiently (or impatiently!) for a quick and unengaged phone call. Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of those calls more than I'd like to admit...
The thing is with these conferences, our men do need to attend them in order to stay abreast of trends in the industry as well as to stay connected to their community of turf professionals. I get it, but it's still another bittersweet requirement of the job. Since I have the opportunity to travel on occasion with my husband I have a great understanding of what exactly happens at these conferences. It's actually great for our husbands to reconnect with their friends, bosses, managers, sales reps, etc. There is something special about taking an individual outside of their day-to-day and placing them in a completely different environment that is amazing for me to see each and every time I travel to these conferences.

Enough of that, back to the bumps. So, someone recently asked me what type of wife am I? Especially when I'm upset with my husband. A few blogs back I touched on this and earlier I mentioned that I'm a keep it real, say what I need to say, and provide the facts wife. Men are visual beings - we all know this - so when I'm trying to prove a point to my husband and he wants to agree to disagree (I hate that!) I know it's time to get out my excel spreadsheet and get documenting. I'm not going to air all our dirty laundry (this time! HA!) but what got me on board the conferences train in the first place was that my husband wasn't home more than 15 days in the entire month. Yes, he also went to his hunting cabin one weekend and had golf tournaments almost every weekend and twice on one weekend. So, knowing that my husband (AND YOURS TOO) is a visual person I knew he needed facts to prove why I was incredibly annoyed and giving him the cold shoulder when I got a gilt trip for going shopping with a girlfriend over family time. And, there is no better time to bust out a pie chart of responsibilities than the present!! I spent not more than 10 minutes putting together how much time he was out of the home for business and pleasure vs. how much time I had been. I noted how many nights I put our daughter to bed and how many times I cooked dinners and gave baths for the month. I know, very extreme but seeing it in black and white sometimes is the card you need to pull when your not getting your point across. For me, it works. I'm certainly not telling everyone to start documenting every move your partner makes. This was just one small example of how I handle certain arguments I'm not getting my point out loud and clear enough for my husband to hear. I know your not surprised to read it worked like a charm. I wasn't over exaggerating, I was accurate with my perceptions of reality!

Anyway, things I also said to my husband this month that help with some of the bumps in our road: Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. I noticed your effort. Please hold my hand more. Wanna make out? Wanna take a shower? Yes, I 'll watch Sons with you. Dinner was delish! Yes please. Could you help me? I miss you. Can we have another date night soon? I'm sad you're leaving again. Can you leave the phone in the car this time? Do you want me to come to bed with you (at 7pm?!?!)? You look so great. I'm so happy! Thank you for today, it was great! You smell so good!

Chow,
Beth

Taboo Talk

It's been a while, my apologies!! Here's the longest run-on sentence for ya. The thing is, throughout the days and nights I think of all the discussions I'd like to have with my Turf Wives because I have so much to talk about but at this point I share the house computer with my husband who works until it's midnight most nights on this very computer and the laptop and mini suck. So, it takes days of golfing (in yet another tourney) to get me here with just one more of my hopefully endless blogs. :)

There has been a topic I've wanted to discuss since I stated Turf Wives but to be quite honest I've been a little scared to. In the many years I've been a significant other to a husband in the turf industry, I've never encountered so many individuals with the same vices as my husband. By no means am I outing my husband publicly because not only can many of you relate, your husbands are right there with mine. And, to be perfectly honest, it's no secret.

Lets start with the morning, late morning, early afternoon and evening coffee. I mean honestly, we should all buy stock in that shit right? I'm sure it's not healthy to drink that many cups of coffee in one day but that's probably the healthiest of all the beverages of choice. Since we're on the beverage topic, have you heard the slogan "It's Miller Time!" yeah, well, it's Miller Time here on a regular basis. Hey, I get it, after busting your tail from sunrise to sunset and then some practically 7 days a week and I can support some R&R but from what I see out there in our small little industry, it's the norm to overindulge in this socially acceptable addition. Another shared vice I see often, cancer sticks. I was once a full time smoker myself so I'm not going to sit here and call the kettle black. I'll leave it at that. Cell phone and internet are on the list as well but since I'm currently addicted to both I'll keep my mouth shut. I'm sure many of you one, can relate and two, you have many more to add to my overfilling pile.

In a recent (and I mean two years ago) conversation I had with one of my best friends who's husband is in the industry (we'll call him "Bob") we both were astonished at how many vices, how much drinking and how amazingly functional these men are. If you or I had 8 beers well before 8pm, you'd find us passed out and regretful in the morning. So how is it possible that these men can have 8-12 beers in one night, get up at sunrise, be functional (more than I am without booze) and omg be PRODUCTIVE AS HELL?!?!? Sadly, yesterday I heard that another one of the Turf Wives was divorcing her husband. Obviously, something we all hear all too regularly. Details are, she's sick of the long hours, countless weekends without the children's father, lack of income for someone who puts in well more than 60+ hours but is only salaried for 40 of them and lastly, all the vices above and then some. It's sad, very. I can honestly relate to the frustration which I'm sure you can as well and I'm not here to judge but divorce should remain a last resort. In my household, it's not an option. Hopefully, it will never end up on the table for discussion. But I'm not naive and you shouldn't be either. So, if these situations are effecting you and your family negatively, you need to have conversations (not arguments) about them. You need to pick your battles but you need to confront these issues before they become piles of divorce papers drawn up my your attorney.

Each and every time I've constructively confronted a concern or annoyance with my husband, he's greeted me with an open mind and open arms. Yes, we've had arguments like all spouses have but I can honestly tell you they are few and far apart. Probably because I have no filter and I speak my mind as soon as I need to instead of letting it build up inside of me until I burst like so many people I know do. So, my husband is used to getting his ass handed to him when he walks in the door after a long day all because he didn't answer my last text message.

Let me reiterate my suggestion again. Talk. For god sake talk! If I hear one more man in this industry tell us he's getting a divorce and he is shocked I'm going to scream! (not really but you know what I mean) No one should be shocked. It should be a last resort and he should have been involved in the entire "let's not get divorced project" that is meant to save marriages with fixable flaws in the first place.

For today,
Beth

Girls Nights

Clearly when I decided to write a blog I had more time on my hands!! That's good ol' corporate america for ya! haha! Things are quite different now and my days have turned into weeks and my weeks into months.

The last month of being a turf wife has actually been quite fun. My hubby owns a turf farm (on top of his ever-expanding business) and has been working diligently to get grass established before it's too late and snow is falling. There is 18+/- acres at the farm and ALL OF IT NEEDS TO BE SEEDED! It used to be corn fields so there has been a ton of work to be done as well as new irrigation and such. Really cool project to see from the ground up. I'm sure many turf wives have experienced something similar on the course. So, when Nola is at daycare on Monday's and Wednesday's, I've been helping with some serious labor at the farm. More time with my main man and some pretty serious calorie burning. If you know me, you know I'm all about calorie burning!

I've been filing up my schedule on days that I'm not helping the hubby. Going to parks and museums, toddler classes, gymnastics and of course the shore. As always though, it's bitter sweet to have so many amazing experiences without daddy or "datty" as Nola calls him. I'm sure, if you have a child(ren), you've felt that same feeling.

I often think about other SAHM's (stay at home moms for the newbies) and how they balance their schedules, time with dad and time away for themselves. I have an amaaaaazing group of close girlfriends and we often try to meet for girls nights = dinner and drinks. Since I've decided to be a SAHM, I've begun to feel guilty and honestly I think my husband would rather spend that time together as a family. BUT I need those outings, my friends and time away for sanity. So, how much is too much? What do you do to keep yourselves from feeling quitly about doing things for yourself?

For my turfwives without lil' ones, I remember spending what seemed to be an absorbent amount of time alone when I didn't have Nola to chase after. I remember how lonely days felt and how I anxiously anticipated romantic dinners when my husband returned after a long days - especially weekends - at work just to be disappointed by an exhausted husband who wanted to relax and settle in early. When we moved from MD back to PA for my husband to start his own business, I also had to start over. When my husband heard me complaining about all my time alone and how bored and lonely it was he didn't feel sorry for me. He told me to make friends and get some hobbies. Although seriously harsh over another not romantic dinner - which I immediately left the table in tears and sat in the ladies room questioning if this is what I really wanted - it was the truth. I needed to be me. I needed not to rely on him and his unpredictable schedule for happiness and fun. So what did I do? I went and made me some great friends and started to do things like gardening, painting and decorating, shopping (that's a given), working out and took on a serious addiction for reality television.

Well, today's blog is very me. Scatterbrained and trying to press that publish post button as quickly as possible so I can add another load into the washer before Nola wakes up!!!

Bye for now,
Beth